...

My mom asked me if I was sexually active and to mess with her I said yes. Then she said use condoms. Then she said I've changed my stance use condoms and quit it.

A little old but still good.

A month ago my mom was dropping me off at the movies for a date. We had an interesting conversation. It went like this.

Mom: Who are you dating?
Me: A girl.
Mom: Is she in ROTC?
Me: No
Mom: Are you dating a guy?
Me: What the hell is wrong with you?

Just Go With It

We have the family over for the fourth and are watching Just Go With It. My grandma says, "Why do they have all these old songs in this movie?" Then my mom says, "They aren't as old as you."

5 Card stud

We were playing poker and my mom was dealing. She decided that we would play 5 card stud. I showed my pair of fours and my mom said, " Your using your best cards! WHAT THE HELL!?!". Then my dad said, "Yes thats how you play." Mom then said, Oh ya I got confused, I was back a few games."

Casey Anthony

We are watching the Casey Anthony trial defense's final arguments. No one is believing the defense.My mom says, "Dear prosecuter, you had me at hello."

Jeans

I realized I need new jeans so I talked to my mom.

Me: Mom I need new jeans.
Mom: No you don't.
Me: Yes I do these are turning into high-waters.
Mom: No they're fine.
Me: Never mind I'll ask grandma to get me some when I visit.
Mom: Thank God, you need some new jeans.

Secretary of State

My mom did some bad math and claimed 92 was ten years ago. She realized how far off she was and started laughing. The following conversation went like this.

Me: What year is it?
Mom: 2011.
Me: Who is the president?
Mom: Obama.
Me: Who is the Secretary of State?
Mom: I don't know.
Me: Everybody hates her.
Mom: Condoleezza Rice.

Random

The family is watching tv and my mom says, "Dad go get me some vitamins." Then she looks at me and says, "Why are you smiling? What's wrong with you?"

I have no clue what to call this one...

As our family of three (single child) prepares to go see the movie Bad Teacher my mom pauses and looks up. She says, "Too bad you aren't 18 otherwise I would say screw the movies we're goin to the casino!"

Starting off with a bang.

My mom just finished watching one of those teen pregnancy shows and called me into her room. She says, Son I want you to remember, ugly girls can get pregnant too. Double glove.